The Devil’s Dictionary by Abrose Bierce

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Quill
n. An implement of torture yielded by a goose and commonly wielded by an ass. This use of the quill is now obsolete, but its modern equivalent, the steel pen, is wielded by the same everlasting Presence.
Misdemeanor
n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.
By misdemeanors he essays to climb Into the aristocracy of crime. O, woe was him! — with manner chill and grand “Captains of industry” refused his hand, “Kings of finance” denied him recognition And “railway magnates” jeered his low condition. He robbed a bank to make himself respected. They still rebuffed him, for he was detected.
S.V. Hanipur
Irreligion
n. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.