The Devil’s Dictionary by Abrose Bierce

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Forefinger
n. The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors.
Emancipation
n. A bondman’s change from the tyranny of another to the despotism of himself.
He was a slave: at word he went and came; His iron collar cut him to the bone. Then Liberty erased his owner’s name, Tightened the rivets and inscribed his own.
G.J.
Egotist
n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
Megaceph, chosen to serve the State In the halls of legislative debate, One day with all his credentials came To the capitol’s door and announced his name. The doorkeeper looked, with a comical twist Of the face, at the eminent egotist, And said: “Go away, for we settle here All manner of questions, knotty and queer, And we cannot have, when the speaker demands To be told how every member stands, A man who to all things under the sky Assents by eternally voting ‘I’.”
Nepotism
n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.