The Devil’s Dictionary by Abrose Bierce

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Fiddle
n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse’s tail on the entrails of a cat.
To Rome said Nero: “If to smoke you turn I shall not cease to fiddle while you burn.” To Nero Rome replied: “Pray do your worst, ’Tis my excuse that you were fiddling first.”
Orm Pludge
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